Life's Little Lessons
by May the green Puppy
Summary: Join Kira as he learns some very important Life Lessons, and Athrun, as he struggles to maintain his sanity.


A/N: HIYA! ok...this one is my second fan fic! any text like _this_ is the character muttering to themselves. besides that, Please regard me kindly! ha! If you're wondering why there aren't any chapters...I'm too lazy to do that! It's a terrible curse! oh! and... anything between these \ things is kinda like...just telling what's going on. and...anything in ( ) is just my little comments.  
anyways, enjoy, LLL

MGP

* * *

ATHRUN: Welcome to Life's Little Lessons. Today, we'll be discussing Life's little lessons, all 10 of them, and their consequences. To join me today, Kira Yamato! 

KIRA: Huh? Why am I here? And when do I get the pizza?

ATHRUN: Uh…Let's just begin, shall we? Life's Little Lesson #1: Just because you can take something, doesn't mean you should.

KIRA: Bears are big, mean animals…

**FLASH BACK**

\Kira and Cagalli are on a nature walk in the woods\

KIRA: Look! A baby bear!

CAGALLI: Kira! Don't take- 

KIRA: I'm gonna bring it home and name it Fluffy!

CAGALLI: Sure, mom will **love** that…

KIRA: I know!

\An ominous growling sound is heard\

KIRA: Did you say something?

\A giant momma bear sneaks up right behind Kira\

KIRA: There's a huge bear behind me…isn't there? AHHHHHHH! FLUFFY! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! AHHH! NOT MY ARM!

**END OF FLASH BACK**

ATHRUN: As we can see here, that rule was ignored. True, Kira could have left the cub alone, but he took it, even though he shouldn't have. Kira, what do you have to say for yourself?

KIRA: All animals hate me…especially the ones with claws…

ATHRUN: Kira! Use the que cards!

KIRA: Huh? Oh…try the question again. 

ATHRUN: What do you have to say for yourself?

KIRA: Well-Athrun-I…uh what does that say…oh…I-think-that-I-was-wrong-to-take-the-bear…WHAT! No I'm not! Fluffy was in trouble!

ATHRUN: KIRA! Uh…COMMERCIAL BREAK!

* * *

ATHRUN: Sorry for the wait folks! Now, back to Life's Little Lessons. Life's Little Lesson #2: An all-day shopping spree does not mean, "spend all your money on the first thing you see". 

KIRA: It's not my fault that the first thing I saw was shiny…

**FLASH BACK**

\Kira and Cagalli have won a $1000 shopping spree\

CAGALLI: While we're here, mom wanted us to buy some expensive things and-oh! Do they have that in my size? Kira, I'll be back in a second, hold onto the check. and whatever you do...DON'T SPEND IT!!

\Cagalli runs off\

KIRA: Must not spend the money. Must not spend the money. Must not spend the money…gasp A $1000 tin replica of Weird Al! Al, I must have you!

\Kira runs off and buys it. Cagalli comes back\

CAGALLI: KIRA!!!!

**END OF FLASH BACK**

ATHRUN: See Kira, impulse spending got you in trouble, didn't it?

KIRA: And they didn't even let me keep Al…_big fat meanies_

\Cagalli stands up in the crowd\

CAGALLI: What was that Kira? Did you say 'I want to die'?

KIRA: AHHHH! IT'S THE SCARY BIG FAT MEANIE!

\Cagalli runs and begins chasing Kira\

ATHRUN: Cagalli! Kira! Uh…COMMERCIAL BREAK! AGAIN!

* * *

ATHRUN: Heh Heh…and we're back again folks! _I'm going to kill those two_…and, here we go! Life's little lesson #3: performing dangerous stunts lead to dangerous accidents. 

KIRA: I think Yzak PMS's…

**FLASH BACK**

\Kira is in Gym Class with Athrun and Yzak. He is currently bouncing on the trampoline.\

KIRA: WEEEE! Athrun! This is fun! You should try it!

ATHRUN: No thanks, I still have some dignity left.

KIRA: I'm gonna do flip!

ATHRUN: Kira, I don't think-

\Kira flips and lands off the trampoline and on Yzak\

KIRA: Wow, that was quite a flip. Good thing I landed on this soft, bony bag of…YZAK! AHHHHH!

\Yzak beats Kira up\

\Later that day, after Kira gets out of the hospital\

CAGALLI: Kira! What happened?

KIRA: I was jumping on the trampoline in the gym, then I flipped off it, and landed on Yzak.

CAGALLI: How high were you jumping to end up looking THIS bad?!

KIRA: Oh, I landed fine, but it was what happened after that caused all this. Let's just say that Yzak hates me…

**END OF FLASH BACK**

ATHRUN: See Kira, because you chose to do a flip, you not only injured your self, but also Yzak.

KIRA: What? Yzak got out of me landing on him without even a scratch! He broke his arm beating me up!

ATHRUN: And, why was he beating you up?

KIRA: Because Yzak's a big dummy head who likes to beat people up.

ATHRUN: How many times do I have to tell you, READ YOUR FREAKING QUE CARDS!

KIRA: What Que cards? I threw them out while we were on a commercial break.

ATHRUN: _baka_…Ok, imaginary situation, let's say that I was the one bouncing on the trampoline, and I landed on you. What would you have done?

KIRA: Beat you up. Why?

ATHRUN: Even though we're best friends?

KIRA: Especially because we're best friends. Revenge is sweet.

ATHRUN: Uh…well that's interesting. And we'll be back in a minute after these messages.

* * *

ATHRUN: Well, so far, Kira has learned absolutely nothing and – Ah! Why didn't you tell me we were on air?! And, we're back folks! Life's Little Lesson #4: Everyone has feelings that we need to respect. 

KIRA: You mean Yzak is…Human?

**FLASH BACK**

KIRA: Well Yzak, You're looking particularly **pretty** today.

YZAK: Those are fighting words Yamato.

KIRA: Oh, sorry **princess** let me get the door for you.

YZAK: I'm warning you Kira.

KIRA: don't worry **lil' miss**, just doing my job.

YZAK: THAT'S IT YAMATO, YOU'RE DEAD!

KIRA: Ah! It was just a joke…**missy**…\laughs\ **missy**…

**END OF FLASH BACK**

ATHRUN: See Kira? You hurt Yzak's feelings, and because of that, he beat you up.

KIRA: Really? I just thought Yzak hated me… 

ATHRUN: No, Yzak is just an over emotional baby.

\Yzak stands up in the crowd\

YZAK: ZALA!

ATHRUN: and we'll be back in a few…

* * *

ATHRUN: Ok, and we're on, in 5…4…3…2…1…Welcome back folks. Life's Little Lesson #5: an 'all-you-can-eat' buffet is not an endurance test. 

KIRA: Tum-Tum! Why did you betray me?

**FLASH BACK**

\Kira and Cagalli are at an all-you-can-eat buffet\

CAGALLI: Kira…I think you should slow down… 

\Kira is scarfing down his food\

KIRA: mmph fa phae? 

CAGALLI: how many times do I have to tell you: DON'T TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL OF FOOD!

KIRA: you're stupid! I'm getting more food.

CAGALLI: Kira…DON'T EAT OUT OF THE BUFFET TRAYS! GRAB A PLATE!!!

KIRA: mm? \mouth is stuffed full of food\

CAGALLI: …nevermind…I'm going home before this gets ugly.

\Lacus comes in\

\Cagalli leaves\

LACUS: hello Kira! 

KIRA: mmh lcomesss 

LACUS: …um…Kira? You're turning green. Are you ok?

KIRA: uh…I don't feel so well…uh… 

\Kira throws up on Lacus' dress\

**END OF FLASH BACK**

ATHRUN: see Kira? You not only spoiled dinner for Cagalli, you ruined Lacus' dress, and ate most of the food.

KIRA: I was hungry! Besides…tum-tum doesn't usually get that upset…

ATHRUN: KIRA! THAT'S NOT THE POINT! THE POINT IS YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL!!

KIRA: SO?! YOU DATED 4 DIFFERENT GIRLS…AT THE SAME TIME! 

ATHRUN: wha…how did you know? (panic time!)

KIRA: BETCHA DIDN'T KNOW THAT CAGALLI! ATHRUN'S A PPLLAAYYEERR! 

\Cagalli sends Athrun death glare\

ATHRUN: whoo…is it hot in here…could we have another commercial break?

* * *

ATHRUN: Annnnnd…we're back again! Little Lesson #6: just because you think you're right, doesn't mean you are. 

**FLASH BACK**

\Cagalli and Kira are at the eye doctor's, waiting in his office\

KIRA: I'm gonna check and see if you're color blind Cagalli.

CAGALLI: no you're not.

KIRA: what color is the 'E'?

CAGALLI: are you stupid? It's red.

KIRA: ha-ha! No it's not! It's grey!

CAGALLI: no…Kira, it's red.

KIRA: nu-uh!

CAGALLI: yeah-huh!

KIRA: NU-UH!

CAGALLI: YEAH-HUH!

KIRA: NO IT'S NOT!

CAGALLI: YES IT IS!

KIRA: NO! YOU'RE STUPID!

\Cagalli starts beating up Kira\

**END OF FLASHBACK**

ATHRUN: so Kira…you do know that Cagalli was right…right?

KIRA: No she wasn't! it was grey!

ATHRUN: …Kira…I think you might be color blind…

KIRA: No I'm not! If I was…Would Cagalli have grey hair?

ATHRUN: um…yeah, actually…her hair is blonde.

KIRA: what?!

ATHRUN: How did you become a BEEPing pilot if you're color blind?! You have to know what color the knobs and buttons are!

KIRA: YOU SWEARED! YOU HAVE TO PUT A LOONIE IN THE CUSS JAR!...besides that...I guessed... 

ATHRUN…_guessed? How do you guess at something like that?_ I think we need another commercial break…what? We don't? No, don't tell me we've still got 5 minutes left. No, I want a break now! Who are you to tell me what to do? I don't care if you're the cameraman!

KIRA: I know! Let's talk about feelings! 

ATHRUN: No!_…fine…have it your way stupid cameraman…_and we move on to lesson number 7: laughter is NOT the best medicine.

KIRA: It worked well for me…

**FLASH BACK**

\Athrun is in the hospital. Kira comes to visit him\

KIRA: HI ATHRUN! 

ATHRUN: go away.

KIRA: that's not very nice Athrun! You should respect your elders!

ATHRUN: Kira…you're only older than me by a few months.

KIRA: so? I'm still older than you.

ATHRUN: what do you want?

KIRA: I'm gonna make you feel better! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

ATHRUN: why are you laughing?

KIRA: because Laughter is the best medicine!

ATHRUN: …I don't think that YOU'RE supposed to be laughing at me.

\Nurse comes in\

NURSE: Is everything ok in here?

ATHRUN: No actually. This odd person whom I've never met in my life just came in and started laughing at me. \evil smile\

NURSE: oh really? \Cracks knuckles\

KIRA: he's lying! We've been best friends since we were young! 

NURSE: A likely story.

**END OF FLASH BACK**

ATHRUN: If only you hadn't laughed at me…

KIRA: yeah…I ended up in the hospital too!

ATHRUN: for what?

KIRA: never doubt the strength of a nurse…

ATHRUN: oh…right…I remember…right as I got out.

KIRA: How come you didn't get beaten up for laughing at me?

ATHRUN:…because you were to stupid to make up a suitable lie?

KIRA: oh yeah…

ATHRUN: there, that took up five minutes, _stupid camera guy _commercial break!

KIRA: wait a minute!

* * *

ATHRUN: and so I says to him…ARE WE ON AIR?! _I'm gonna get back at you, evil camera man…_

KIRA: When do I leave?

ATHRUN: WHEN WE'RE FINISHED! Ok…Life little lesson number…eight?

KIRA: sure…

ATHRUN: little lesson # 8: Be careful when you lie; It'll come back and kick you in the butt someday.

KIRA: MUFFIN MAN!

**FLASH BACK**

\Kira and Yzak are in class together\

KIRA: do you know the muffin man? The muffin man, the muffin man. Do you know the muffin man who lives on druey (um…sp?) lane?

YZAK: Can it Yamato.

KIRA: do you know the muffin man Yzak?! 

YZAK: I'm serious Yamato.

KIRA: do you?! 

YZAK: Yeah, I know the Muffin man. I watched him catch on fire and burn to death. \evil smile\

KIRA: WHAT?! THE MUFFIN MAN IS DEAD?! 

YZAK: yes. It was hilarious.

KIRA: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! MUFFFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNN MMMMMMMAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN! (that almost doesn't cover it…)

**END OF FLASH BACK**

KIRA: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU MUFFIN MAN!

ATHRUN: KIRA! HE WAS LYING!

KIRA:…He was?

ATHRUN: YES! THE MUFFIN MAN DOESN'T EVEN EXIST!

KIRA: yes he does! I've met him!

ATHRUN: where?

KIRA: in the mall. Cagalli was there too.

CAGALLI (don't ask me when she suddenly appeared): um…Kira? That wasn't the muffin man. It was just a guy in a muffin suit advertising for that new bakery the opened up.

KIRA: w-what? NO MUFFIN MAN?!

ATHRUN: CAGALLI!

CAGALLI: YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAID THAT LYING WOULD COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU!

ATHRUN: YEAH, BUT WHO ACTUALLY LISTENS TO THIS STUFF?! 

\Random guy in audience stands up\

RANDOM DUDE: I do…OH! IT'S HOPELESS! IT'S ALL A LIE! MY LIFE IS OVER!

\Random dude runs out of wherever the heck they're filming this\

ATHRUN: whatever…oh…cleanup in the lobby…_so, almighty cameraman, can I have my break now?_ Don't shake your head at me! We need some time to clean up all the blood in the lobby! I mean...uh…I REFUSE TO SAY MORE!

* * *

ATHRUN: …this is really getting no where. Let's just skip ahead to the ending credits…NOT AGAIN! _I hate you cameraman_…So…Little lesson number 9 _phew…almost done…_: Saying 'would you like fries with that' does not mean you have a degree in Liberal arts. 

KIRA: When I grow up, I wanna serve fries!

**FLASH BACK**

\Kira has a job at Burger King (don't ask me how he got it…) and…Athrun and Cagalli are going there to eat\

KIRA: WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT?! 

ATHRUN: You don't have to shout, I'm right here. And no, I'm fine thanks.

KIRA: YOUR TOTAL COMES TO $14.44! PLEASE PULL AHEAD!

ATHRUN: I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE!

KIRA: WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUPERSIZE?!

ATHRUN: ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE QUALIFIED TO WORK HERE?!

CAGALLI: I had to go with him on his interview…because he couldn't tell them how old he was _he couldn't count that high._

ATHRUN: but really…I'm suprized that anybody would hire him… 

CAGALLI: I think mum and dad actually paid them to have him work here.

ATHRUN: but is it worth it?

KIRA: PLEASE PULL AHEAD!

CAGALLI: trust me…this is waaay better. You should have seen him on drive-thru duty…

ATHRUN: but why work at Burger King? 

CAGALLI: I don't know. Kira muttered something about getting a degree in something or another.

**END OF FLASH BACK**

ATHRUN: …um…actually…Besides being annoying…Kira didn't really do anything wrong…Besides, how it that a life lesson?! No, don't tell me to go with it cameraman! There's nothing to go with!

KIRA: WE CAN TALK ABOUT FEELINGS!

ATHRUN: Kira…

KIRA: \singing\ FEELINGS! VERY PLESENT FEELINGS! FEELINGS! NOTHING MORE THAN THAT!

ATHRUN: Ok then, onto the final Little Lesson: Mentally retarded coordinators make lousy show contestants.

\waiting for flashback...\

\still waiting…\

\\camera zooms up on Kira\\

KIRA: You're making that up!

ATHRUN: No I'm not!

KIRA: Lemme see that cue card!

ATHRUN: No!

\Kira Lunges at Athrun

\Cagalli (where the heck does she keep coming from?!) grabs cue card while Kira and Athrun are fighting\

CAGALLI: and the **real** final lesson is: Don't take life too seriously. It isn't permanent.

**FLASH BACK**

\Tolle's ship blowing up\

\Nicol's gundam blowing up\

\\Shani dying\\

\\Clotho dying\\

\\\Orga dying\\\

\\\Fllay dying\\\

\\\\The Dominion Blowing up\\\\ (are all those 's really nessairy?)

(hahaha! Who's laughing now MPK?!)

**END OF FLASH BACK**

CAGALLI: and that's all folks! Join us next week as we talk to Sting, Auel, and Stellar on the life of an extended.

\Athrun karate chops camera guy\

ATHRUN: ha ha! I told you I would get you back! 

\Screen blacks out\

* * *

soooo? tell me what you think! I'm anxious to know! 


End file.
